I Was Low-Key Trashing My Horse... Then I Tried This One Sentence

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You know how everyone talks about gratitude around Thanksgiving like it’s this… vague, fluffy thing?

“Be grateful.”
“Write three things you’re thankful for.”
“Gratitude changes everything.”

Cool. But like… how does that help when your horse feels like a medieval war charger and your lower back is screaming?

This week I accidentally ran a little experiment in the saddle that reminded me:

What you focus on really does expand.
And gratitude is one of the fastest ways to change your ride – and your horse’s experience of you.

Let me tell you what happened.

Horse #1: The Medieval Charger

Horse number one is my mustang.

His gaits?
Let’s just say if knights were still jousting, he’d be booked out for tournaments through next year.

He’s strong.
He moves out.
He chews up the ground like it owes him money.

But comfortable?
…not exactly.

I caught myself riding along thinking:

“Ugh, you are so uncomfortable to ride. This is lame. I wish you felt more like my reining-bred horse.”

And the more I thought that, the more annoyed I felt.
Nothing was “wrong,” but the whole ride felt off. I was there, but I didn’t want to be there.

So I decided to flip the script.

I challenged myself:
“Okay, what can I be genuinely grateful for with this horse, right now?”

The answer came fast:

“You walk so well.”

This horse has an incredible, forward, ground-covering walk. A lot of horses don’t. And there I was… not even appreciating it.

So I said it out loud (because of course I did):

“You are such a good boy. Thank you for walking so well.”

And then I said it again.
And again.
And again.

I started really noticing how he marched out. How his ears flicked. How he responded when my energy softened.

And you know what?

The entire ride shifted.

• I relaxed.
  

• He settled.
  

• The “ugh” turned into, “Dang, this is actually pretty fun.”

Nothing changed mechanically. Same horse. Same gait. Same arena.

But my focus changed.
And that changed me.
And that changed him.

Horse #2: The Goodest Boy

Horse number two is my young reining-bred quarter horse.

His gaits? So smooth.
His mind under saddle? Very intuitive.
But… he’s young. And sometimes there are brain farts. Glorious, impressive brain farts.

On those days, it’s so easy to slip into:

“Why are you doing that? You know better. Come on, get it together.”

Again – nothing huge. Just little frustrations that add up until suddenly the ride doesn’t feel fun anymore.

So I tried the same gratitude challenge.

I literally said out loud:

“You are such a good boy. You are the goodest boy. Your gaits are so smooth. You are so fun to ride.”

And I kept saying it – to him and to me.

I let myself feel how much I actually like this horse. How much I enjoy sitting his trot. How cool it is that I get to bring along a young mind like his.

And once again:
Boom. Ride transformed.

• He tuned in.
  

• I softened and got clearer.
  

• We made real progress.
  

• And we both enjoyed it way more.

They can tell when you’re happy to be there with them.
They can feel when you’re riding from “ugh” vs. riding from “I’m so glad it’s you.”

Let’s have fun with the science for a sec (Why this works).

Because this is where it stops being “woo” and starts being wiring.

When you switch into real gratitude like that, a few things are happening in your brain:

• Your “search filter” changes.
  Your brain has a built-in filter (the reticular activating system) that decides what to notice. When you start saying, “You walk so well,” it updates the filter from “What’s wrong with this horse?” to “What’s good here?” So you literally start seeing and feeling more of what’s working.
  

• Your threat system turns down; your rider brain turns up.
  Negative focus lights up more of your threat circuitry (hello, tension, irritability, short fuse). Genuine appreciation activates more of your prefrontal cortex—the part that handles timing, decisions, feel, and nuance. So your body softens, your timing improves, and your cues get clearer.
  

• Your nervous system shifts states.
  Gratitude plus soft tone + kind words = little safety signals to your nervous system. That nudges you out of fight/flight and into a more regulated state. A regulated rider = a softer seat, kinder hands, and a horse who can actually relax under you.
  

• Reward chemistry changes your experience.
  Noticing what you enjoy about your horse gives tiny hits of “feel good / stay here” chemicals (dopamine, etc.), which makes your brain want to repeat that pattern. That’s why the ride starts feeling fun again, not forced.

This isn’t me faking positivity or gaslighting myself; it’s me telling my brain, “Hey, these good things are true too—let’s build from them,” which calms my nervous system, sharpens my focus, and gives my horse a very different rider to respond to.

Gratitude isn’t pretending everything is perfect.
It’s choosing what part of reality you want to amplify.

You can still improve the choppy trot.
You can still school the baby-brain moments.

But if you only ever ride from “not enough”…

• You burn yourself out.
  

• You burn your horse out.
  

• And you miss the really good stuff that’s already there.

A Simple Gratitude Ride Challenge

Next time you ride, try this:

1. Pick your horse for the day.
   (Green, broke, saint, dragon – doesn’t matter.)
   

2. Notice the first negative thought.
   “He’s too looky.”
   “She’s too lazy.”
   “This feels awful.”
   Don’t judge it. Just catch it.
   

3. Pause and ask:
   
   “What can I genuinely be grateful for about you right now?”
   
   It could be:
   

   • “You showed up sound today.”

   • “You try so hard for me.”

   • “Your walk is incredible.”

   • “Your lope feels like a couch.”
     

4. Say it out loud to your horse.
   Yes, actually out loud:
   
   “You are such a good boy/girl. I love how ____ you are.”
   
   

5. Repeat it throughout the ride.
   Every time your brain starts to nitpick, redirect:
   
   “Nope. Today we notice what we appreciate.”

Watch what happens to:

• Your body

• Your patience

• Your horse’s expression

• And the overall feel of the ride

Is it magic? Maybe.
Is it your nervous system and focus shifting? Definitely.

Either way, your horse wins. And you do too.

Your Turn

If you try this, I’d love to hear:

• Which horse you did it with

• What you chose to be grateful for

• How it changed (or didn’t change) your ride

Hit reply and tell me,

“Here’s what happened when I tried the gratitude ride.”

Because what you focus on expands…
and I’d rather help you grow more connection, more joy, and more progress in the saddle than more frustration and self-doubt.

You and your horse both deserve that. 💛

With gratitude, always,

Nicole