I'm scared to ride my horse

Are you afraid to ride your horse?

I’ve always been pretty punchy. I grew up and my first horse was a little turd of a pony, but I was just so desperate to ride and so grateful to have anything that I rode the heck out of that little dude when I was a kid! I honestly also lacked the context to understand some of the dangers of riding a young horse or a green horse even as I graduated from the pony. Like most kids I’d ride just about anything- so I did- and I learned a lot from all the horses I was able to ride.

And at some point along the way, I grew up and like most adults I kind of missed that it was happening. One day you’re 10 and reading Black Beauty and skipping out in your shorts to ride your pony and the next day you have three kids and a mortgage. It’ll mess with your mind if you dwell on it too much.

And as an adult, you go to mount up and you just have a feeling inside. And that feeling kind of tingles at the sides of your tummy and it says, “Should you lunge this horse before you get on?” and it also says things like, “Grab your helmet!” Or, “Maybe we should have a trainer start this one?”

Or you think, “Yeah totally I can work that project horse. It’ll be awesome!” and at some point you realize that there is a younger version of you for which it absolutely 100% would’ve been awesome, but for this older and wiser version of you it’s maybe 50% awesome. And you stare at the horse and you put your hand on your hip and you go, “Huh?”

I think it really creeps up on us. I have a friend with a two year old. Gorgeous breeding, gorgeous horse out of a mare she’s had since she was born, and this horse has been an angel! But there was another horse. An earlier horse that would take off on her at the lope. You’d start out and it was fine, but if you asked to extend the lope that horse would get going too much and maybe throw in a few bucks for fun. She is having the darndest time loping her youngster because she’s mentally riding the bolter. My point is I have so much empathy and understanding for how easy it can be to end up with mental blocks. And also how easy it is to end with an unsuitable horse. Because if you’re scared to ride your horse it’s not a good match, is it?

But we are where we are and you’ve got the horse you’ve got. What can you do when thinking about riding your horse makes you very aware of the limits of your health insurance coverage? When you find yourself just becoming more and more afraid; and each ride a little worse than the last. Or maybe you’re just kind of poking along and you haven’t been seriously injured, but it’s not fun anymore. What do you do? How do you handle that situation?

Riding a horse when you’re scared is a really awful feeling. (Understatement of the year, here). And to be honest it can be dangerous, because horseback riding involves an inherent level of risk even for the brokest horse and best rider. You’re on a 1000 pound animal with a mind of its own!

Practically speaking, when someone’s feeling scared they’re not gonna ride as well as they would if they were feeling confident. You don’t think clearly, it’s hard to respond quickly or be an effective rider. If you’re feeling scared that usually means you’re scared about your horse misbehaving: bolting, bucking, spinning, rearing. So if something happens you’re gonna be even less able to handle whatever is popping up. So what do you do? Do you sell that horse? Do you give up? How do you set yourself up for success?

The uncomfortable part here is that setting yourself up for success means like- in any area where you’re setting a goal- you’re breaking it down into bite-size chunks. It needs to become manageable. It needs to become doable. It needs to become smaller. (It can be deeply uncomfortable for any rider to “step down” or slow down their progress. Even if we know the fastest way is to take the time it takes).

Let’s approach this logically. What are the parameters when you would feel comfortable or afraid to ride? For example, would you feel comfortable if you were in an indoor arena instead of an outdoor? What if you rode when other people were present? What about if you had an experienced friend or your trainer hop on for 10 or 15 minutes before you rode? What about speed? Are you more comfortable walking and trotting versus picking up the lope? And of course the standard examination of your care routine: things like less grain, more turn out, more consistent work, different tack. Then you take that information and roll with it!

If you’re only confident walking at a walk… Well then that’s where you start! And you just work your way back up really gradually and wait until you're really ready to do the next thing. When you find yourself desiring to go faster. When you want to go from the indoor to the outdoor. When you want to go from walk to trot to lope. Hold yourself back until you can’t take it anymore! Keep yourself reined in until instead of feeling nervous, you feel like you’ll go crazy if you don’t “let” yourself trot! Most people will say to ride at the edge of your comfort zone. But if you’re working with an intense fear and that’s not helping, try something different! Try “holding yourself back” and see what happens.

With fear, we’re not trying to force it away. Your brain is sending signals telling you that it doesn’t feel safe on this horse. So we want to both face the fear, and challenge it/ diminish it by doing the scary thing (getting on the horse), but also not bully ourselves and make it worse by getting on and jumping a high jump course if we’re scared of cross-rails.

You have to work through it. And you can’t really rush working through a fear. (Sorry). I wish I had a shortcut, but I don’t know if there is a shortcut. I think that you have to face the fear and allow time for the process to work.

Now for the elephant in the room? What if it’s a horse you really shouldn’t be riding? I think that’s a decision you have to make for yourself. I’m not saying to jump on your horse and “ride it out" if your horse has put themselves into bucking-horse school training without your consent.

I am saying, if you’re scared, and you are ready to face that fear in a baby-step fashion, it means you ride the horse and you start at the walk and then when you feel confident you move up and you just keep working the process. And you pair that with acknowledging this should be fun! Find a trainer who believes in you and encourages you instead of belittling you. And don’t underestimate the confidence you can build on the ground! I’ve seen riders who just needed someone to remind them when they are with their horse they (the rider) need to be confidently in-charge. And once they started insisting on good manners from their horse on the ground, things started falling into place.

There are a lot of riders who end up buying horses that have really great potential- “It’s the most amazing two year old!” or they grab a horse changing disciplines for a great price; and then later they just realize it’s too much horse. Or they see the horse absolutely might be filled with potential- but they aren’t going to be the rider to bring that out.

There’s no shame if you decide that you’re not a good fit and that your horse might be better off with a different rider. And you might be better served with a different horse. If this is you, take time to acknowledge the sadness that you would probably feel. There’s frustration and anger and also sadness because each partnership represents a dream that you would perform in a certain way with that unique horse. A it’s really easy to hang on for way too long. I’ve been seeing folks around me struggle with either an unsuitable mount, or a horse they’re just plain scared to ride, and hey - don’t make yourself suffer unnecessarily. It’s OK to sell one. It’s OK to buy a horse that’s FUN to ride. It is possible. I swear it!

Don’t be that person who hangs on way too long. Ask yourself if you can’t wait to get to the barn! Or if you find yourself avoiding your rides and deciding YES, you absolutely need to clean the bathroom instead of going to ride! Ha! We can’t have that! We can clear our mental blocks and get suitable horses so we can get back to loving the journey and the process and riding!

So these are some thoughts about how it might feel to have a horse you feel scared to ride. It can be a young horse, a project horse or just the horse hanging out back. Write back- I really love to hear from you- and tell me if you’ve ever experienced buying an unsuitable horse or a horse that scared you or a horse that just wasn’t a good fit. I read every reply.

Until next time,

Happy trails,

Nicole