My Dark Mental Hack to Crush the Competition With Unbeatable Consistency

Hey! Prefer to listen instead of read the Newsletter? I got you! The Resilient Reiner Newsletter also comes as a podcast! 🎙️ 

Alright, be honest with me for a second…

Have you ever wanted the results — the smooth pattern, the clean stop, the confident run — but absolutely did not feel like doing the boring, unsexy thing that would actually get you there?

Because let’s be real: slow and steady wins the race. Consistency in your training is what will make that muscle memory real. Make those lead changes automatic. And make your focus-on-demand as easy as snapping your fingers.

But that does not mean you always feel like doing it.

Sometimes you’re tired.

Sometimes a 15-minute ride on the 2-year-old feels pointless.

Sometimes you think maybe what you should do instead is eat a donut and watch YouTube? (Because I’m a grown up and watch TikToks on YouTube like an adult). 

Yeah. Same.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stood in my kitchen like,
‘I have to go ride… I have to go school that pattern… I have to get this done…’
and suddenly riding my own horse — the thing I love — felt like homework.

And once it feels like homework?
Boom. Procrastination. Scrolling. Barn chores that mysteriously take 4 hours.
Ask me how I know. 😅

So today, I want to show you one of my favorite little dark mental hacks for actually getting shit done.

You’ve probably heard the whole ‘I get to do this’ reframe, right?

That’s cute. It’s great when you’re already feeling grateful.

But I want to give you something even more powerful, especially for the days you’re tired af, overwhelmed, or over it.

We’re going to play with ‘I want to’ — and then we’re going to stack reasons why you want to.
And when you do that, motivation stops feeling like a fight and starts feeling like a choice.

Sound good?

Why Language Matters (Without Being Cheesy)

Let’s talk about why this even works.

Your brain is always listening to how you talk to yourself.

Always. 

Like a creepy stalker. 

When you say,
‘I have to ride,’
‘I should practice,’
‘I need to work on my mindset…’

Notice the vibe of those words.
‘Have to, should, need to’ — they all imply pressure, obligation, someone standing over you with a clipboard.

And your brain goes,
‘Ugh, no thanks. You can’t make me!’ (Cue temper tantrum).

That’s where resistance and procrastination live.

Now, a lot of people will say,
‘Just tell yourself you get to. You get to ride your horse.’

And listen — I love gratitude.
But on a Tuesday night, when it’s cold and windy and you’re tired from work,
‘I get to ride’ can feel a little… fake.

If it feels fake, your brain doesn’t buy in.
And if your brain doesn’t buy in, you don’t move.

You just sit there frozen and doomscrolling like a couch goblin. 

So instead of pretending everything feels amazing,
I like to do something way more honest and way more effective.

We shift it to:
‘I want to… because…’

We’re not pretending the task is easy.
We’re reconnecting with why it matters to you — your goals, your values, your identity as a rider.

That’s the stuff that actually pulls you into action.

The Core Tool: “I Want To… Because…”

Step 1 – Catch the “Have To”

First step is super simple: you just start noticing your ‘have to’ sentences.

‘I have to go ride.’
‘I have to lope circles.’
‘I have to haul to that arena.’
‘I have to do my mental homework.’

Just hear it. Catch it.

Even notice how your body feels when you say,
‘I have to go ride.’
For most people it’s heavy, shoulders slump, chest tight — it just feels like obligation.

We’re not judging it — we’re just catching it.

Step 2 – Flip It to “I Want To…”

Then, step two: you flip exactly one word.

‘I want to go ride.’
‘I want to lope circles.’
‘I want to haul to the arena.’
‘I want to do my mindset work.’

And some of you might immediately think,
‘Nicole, no I don’t. I do not want to go ride right now.’ 🤣

But here’s the truth:
You do actually want the result that comes from doing the thing.

You want to be ready for your show.
You want to be proud of how you ride.
You want your horse to feel confident and clear.

So we’re not making up a lie — we’re surfacing what’s already true under the grumpy surface. (It’s ok, I get grumpy, too, sometimes).

Step 3 – Add the “Because…” List

This is where the magic really happens: the ‘because.’

You take that sentence and you finish it three to five times.

For example:

‘I want to go ride tonight because…
– I want to walk into my next show knowing I did everything I could.
– I want my horse to feel confident and prepared, not surprised.
– I want to stop replaying my runs thinking I should have practiced more.
– I want to be the kind of rider who follows through, even when it’s not convenient.’

Feel the difference?

We just turned a chore into a choice.

And when your brain hears,
‘I want to do this because it makes me who I want to become,’
it’s a lot harder to justify flopping on the couch instead.

Live Practice With Rider Examples

Let’s play with this together so you can actually feel the shift.

Think of a ‘have to’ that’s hanging over you right now.

It could be:
– ‘I have to practice my showmanship.’
– ‘I have to work on my lead changes.’
– ‘I have to ride three times this week.’

Anything.

Okay, so you said:
‘I have to _______.’

Let’s flip that first word.

Say it with me:
‘I want to _______.’

Now I’m going to ask you the magic question:
‘Why? Why do you want to do that?’

Give me a few reasons. They don’t have to sound pretty.

So for you, it might sound like:

‘I want to practice my lead changes because:
– I want to stop praying and hoping in the pen and actually know I can nail them.
– I want my horse to feel my confidence instead of my panic.
– I want to walk out of the arena proud of how I rode, no matter what score I get.
– I want to ride like the version of me who’s going after year-end awards, not the version who hides.’

How does that feel compared to
‘I have to practice my lead changes’?

Notice your shoulders? Your energy?
That matters.

Let’s do one more example with a non-riding thing that supports your horse life.

Think of a ‘have to’ that’s more like… sleep, workouts, money, anything like that?

For example, “‘I have to go to bed earlier.’

Alright. Flip first:

‘I want to go to bed earlier.’

Why? Give me some reasons.

Maybe it becomes:

‘I want to go to bed earlier because:
– I want to actually have energy when I swing a leg over.
– I want to stop snapping at my horse because I’m exhausted.
– I want my brain sharp enough to remember my pattern and feel my horse.
– I want to treat my body like an athlete because that’s who I’m becoming.’

Feel how that suddenly has teeth?
Same action, completely different energy.

Even just hearing a couple of these is usually enough for your brain to go,
‘Oh. I can do this.’”

Why This Actually Works (aka Not Just Fluffy Affirmations)

Let’s put some structure around why this works so well.

This is one of the fastest ways I help riders stop fighting themselves and start building consistency on purpose.

Number one: this is identity-based.

When you say,
‘I want to do this because I’m becoming the kind of rider who ___________,’
your brain goes,
‘Oh, this is who we are now. We better act like it.’

You’re not obeying a to-do list.
You’re being congruent with your identity.

Number two: you’re shifting from external to internal motivation.

External sounds like:
‘My trainer says I have to.’
‘The show is coming up.’
‘People will judge me.’

Internal sounds like:
‘I want to master this.’
‘I want to feel proud of myself.’
‘I want to partner my horse at a higher level.’

The ‘I want to… because…’ reframe pulls you back into that internal motivation — and that’s what actually sticks.

Number three: this lowers anxiety and resistance.

When you feel like you’re being forced, your nervous system goes into fight, flight, or freeze.
When you feel like you’re choosing, your body softens just enough that action is possible.

You’re still doing hard things — but without the added layer of ‘you can’t make me’ energy.

Implementation: Daily Use

Okay, so how do you actually use this so it doesn’t just live in your notes app and die there?

Here’s a super simple daily script you can steal:

Before you ride — or before a task you’re avoiding — you pause and say:

1. ‘Today, I want to ____________
   because __________, __________, and __________.’

2. ‘Showing up for this today makes me the kind of rider who __________.’

3. ‘Even if I don’t feel like it right now, I’m choosing it anyway.’

That’s it.

You can do that in your head while you’re pulling on your boots.
You can jot it in your phone while you’re sitting in the truck.
You can say it out loud while you’re grooming.

Use it:
– Before rides
– Before schooling runs
– Before trailer practice
– Before your mindset work
– Before workouts that support your riding

And I highly recommend making it visible:

Sticky note on your tack room:
‘I want to ride today because…’

Or a note on your phone you duplicate each day.

The point is not perfection.
The point is reps — teaching your brain over and over: ‘I want this. I’m choosing this.’

Alright, folks, let’s land this.

You do not need to become a totally different person to be more motivated.
You don’t need more willpower.
You need a better conversation with yourself.

So the next time you hear,
‘I have to go ride… I have to practice… I have to work on my mindset…’

You’re going to catch it,
flip it to:
‘I want to __________ because…’
and give yourself at least three reasons.

That’s the challenge I want to leave you with:

For the next 7 days, there are no ‘have to’s’ in your horse life.
Every time you catch it, you flip it and list your ‘because.’

If you do that, your motivation will shift.
You’ll ride more. You’ll follow through more.
And you’ll start seeing yourself as the rider who actually gets shit done — not just thinks about it.

If you liked this tool, you’ll love 5 Days to Confident Competitor.

Because this is exactly the kind of work we do there: simple, powerful mental tools that help you stop fighting yourself and start riding like the rider you already know you can be.

Inside 5DCC, I walk you through 5 short audio trainings to help you regulate your nerves, get out of your head, and find your calm switch before the pressure takes over.

It’s $33, and it is the best place to start if you want practical help fast.

Grab 5 Days to Confident Competitor here.

But whether you ever join me there or not, you can take this tool and use it today.

So…
What’s one thing you want to do with your horse this week — and why do you want to do it?

Ride with confidence,

Nicole