Stop Worrying About Fear (Do This Instead)

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As a mental coach and fellow horse girl, I get asked a lot of questions. Like, all the time. 

You know that old line from school—“There’s no such thing as a stupid question, because if you’re thinking it, 10 other people are too”?

Turns out… that’s true in the horse world, too.

So what better way to serve this community than to answer some of those real, raw, behind-the-scenes questions out loud?

Welcome to “Ask Nicole” the space where we say the quiet part out loud, and talk about what it really takes to ride with confidence, grit and heart. No no filters, no perfection, just honest talk about mindset, confidence, show nerves, and the mental messiness that comes with chasing big goals in and out of the arena.

This week’s question? 

"I know mindset is important, but what if I still feel nervous before a run? Like, I’ve done the journaling, I’ve practiced the visualization… but sometimes the fear and doubt still sneak in. Does that mean I’m not mentally strong enough yet?"

Girl. Girl. Girl. It’s like that SNL skit where they have the entire conversation only saying GIRL… but you still know exactly what they’re saying. 😆

If you’ve ever thought, “I just need to fix my mindset before I can ride like I know I’m capable of”… this one’s for you.

Because somewhere along the way in the personal development and horse world, we picked up this idea that to ride our best, we have to be fearless. That real confidence means never having a negative thought or moment of self-doubt.

That you have to banish every freaking drop of fear. Eliminate every single limiting belief. Blow up every single negative thought in your head. 

How exhausting. And totally unrealistic. 

As your mental coach and barn bestie, let me tell ya the truth no one else is saying: 

It’s not about elimination. 

You don’t have to get rid of everything “negative”. 

It’s about FOCUS. 

The goal isn’t to be some perfectly positive cowgirl robot. We don’t want Stepford-wives style positive cowgirls. 

The goal is to stop handing over your power to thoughts that don’t serve you—and start directing your energy toward what does.

I got to practice exactly this just last week. I took my young mustang out on a mountain ride. I don’t say trail ride, because for this ride I just pointed him up the side of a mountain and said, “giddyup ole son!” (yes I get to live in a fabulous place). Practice with balance, building of muscle, and building trust together are all great, and it’s pretty cool to switch back up a mountain and enjoy the gorgeous view at the top. But I won’t lie. It was steep. I was a little scared. But instead of giving in to the fear, I shifted my focus to what we were doing. And we both handled it like a champ. 

Here’s the deal. You’re going to have fear before a run.
You’re going to second-guess your game plan.
You’re going to find yourself comparing your progress to someone else’s perfect highlight reel.

Welcome to being human. Welcome to being a rider.

But the version of you who rides into the pen, grounded and confident—the one who puts down a pattern that feels like flow?

She doesn’t waste time wrestling with every doubt.
She doesn’t spiral every time a nervous thought shows up.
She leads herself back to her power.

She feels the fear.
She nods at the doubt.
And she rides anyway.

She chooses to focus on the vision:
The smooth circles. The crisp stops. The powerful presence in the saddle.

She doesn’t wait for perfect confidence.
She creates it—one focused ride, one breath, one decision at a time.

And the more you do that—the more you stop trying to “fix” your mindset and start focusing it—the more magnetic you become in the saddle.

It’s not about showing up high-vibe and unshakeable 24/7.
It’s about catching yourself when you want to spiral—and choosing a higher perspective instead.

So next time the nerves hit, or a limiting belief sneaks in before you lope off, try this:

→ Clock it. Just notice the thought.
→ Acknowledge it but don’t make it mean anything.
→ Say “Thanks, but no thanks” for trying to keep you safe.
→ Then shift your focus to what actually matters.

Shift your focus to what you want to feel.
Shift to the version of you who knows her stuff.
Shift to the ride you came here to have.

You don’t have to eliminate the doubt.
You just have to stop letting it steer the horse. (That’s your job!)

That’s what makes you unstoppable in and out of the arena.

With gratitude, 

Nicole

PS- ready to build your own unshakable confidence that can handle the ups and downs of life with horses? Join Resilient Reiner Academy today.