The Relationship Between Pain and Progress

The Split-Second That Changed Everything

It took less than 1 second to change my life.

I slipped on a pile of math flashcards left on our short (only six steps!) flight of stairs.

Somehow I managed to break every bone in my ankle. And not just a little bit.

The pain was excruciating—so excruciating I couldn’t even feel the ice bath Nicole had me submerge it in.

When the pain didn’t abate overnight, Nicole drove me to an Urgent Care where a glaring radiologist wheeled me to take my x-rays—making sure to hit every possible bump along the way as hard as possible.

I suspect she thought I just had a sprained ankle and was being a wuss about it.

When she saw my x-rays her eyebrows rose and her mouth dropped. Her gasp was virtually audible from the radiologist’s office.

Needless to say the return trip to the examination room to consult with the doctor was far smoother.

That was two years ago.

And it still hurts. Like right now I feel like there’s a line of fire along the incision on the right side, right over the bump. The left side has a permanent patch of numbness that extends from the incision to my second smallest toe.

But I’m just grateful to be back on my feet.

A Rude Awakening: The Realities of Recovery

Wanna know what made it the hardest experience of my life?

It wasn’t actually the pain (as bad as it was), and it wasn’t actually the many months of recovery which followed.

Nope.

The worst part was that, like many people, I thought pain was “bad”—to be avoided at all costs. So when suddenly my entire life for days and weeks and months was constant unrelenting pain it freaked me out.

I also was unprepared for the truth of what real recovery looks like. They doctors and physical therapists even told me, up front, to expect a “squiggly” line of recovery…but there’s nothing like living it to really make it sink in.

Most of those early days I doubted I’d ever walk again.

And it makes sense, when you spend TWO MONTHS not putting that foot on the ground.

In any case, I’ve mentioned aspects of this experience in previous newsletters (right? I can’t quite remember), but today I was struck by a new parallel I hadn’t considered before which has only recently occurred to me.

The Good Side of Pain

So I was listening to this week’s Resilient Reiner Meditation (check it out, if you want) and in that episode, as in many of the guided meditations, there’s this exploration of the “journey” we’re all on and how it’s helpful (even critical) to appreciate the ebbs and flows of that journey, and I was suddenly struck by how I think I’ve previously overlooked going deeper on what I really mean by “journey” and “progress.”

(And yes, I have a selective appreciation for semantics. 😉 )

I was reminded how “progress” really looks a heck of a lot like “recovery,” and how painful (physically, emotionally, psychologically) life can be and how—all too often—our response to that pain is actually worse than the pain itself.

One way to put it, as my counselor put it during this week’s session is, “why be traumatized if you don’t have to be?”

Because what I discovered when I was going through surgery, healing, physical therapy, and learning to walk again was that pain is actually an important and natural, even GOOD, part of existence. And I have a theory that this extends not just to physical pain, but to mental pain too.

Why do we feel pain? What’s the point of pain?

Pain, in some simple sense, is nothing more than a signal that growth and change are occurring. Or it can be a signal that growth or change is needed. Or, in the case of how my ankle continues to hurt, it can be a reminder of how grateful I am to be walking, running, CAPABLE again.

Now, I’m only 45 years old, but the older I get the more I feel like the quote from The Princess Bride, “Life is pain, Princess” real nails something very REAL about life.

And this doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

Besides, without pain and struggle, without “sour” would we even know “sweet?”

So if we accept that pain is an integral part of the journey, it's worth asking: what does this journey actually look like? This brings me to a point that might shatter some illusions you may be holding onto.

The Illusion of Linear Progress

Before we go on, let's dispel a common misconception: the idea that progress should be a straight line, always heading up. I've plotted out what many people think progress looks like over time. And let me tell you, that couldn't be further from the truth.

What's closer to reality is a squiggly line that zigs and zags even as it generally moves upwards. Picture it as a hiking trail. Sometimes you're going through easy fields, other times you're hiking up steep cliffs, and sometimes you're sliding down the other side. The path isn't straight. But if you zoom out, you'll see you're moving in a general direction: forward.

The Incidental Pains of Progress

You know, life is kind of like that hike. You can be putting one foot in front of the other, moving forward through different terrains, and you'll find that each section has its unique challenges—and its unique pains. These aren't setbacks; they're simply part of the journey.

Think of the muscle soreness after a good workout. No one ever bulked up sitting on a couch. Or think of when you’re working with your horse. There's frustration, yes. Maybe even some moments of doubt or physical discomfort. But it's all incidental to the growth that's happening.

Similarly, during my recovery, there were times I felt I'd slid back down to the bottom of the cliff. Days when the pain spiked, or I had to readjust the cast. It felt like failure, but it wasn't. It was the incidental pain that comes from taking on the hard, steep parts of life's path.

Why Action is the Antidote

So here's the key takeaway: When you're facing these incidental pains, it's tempting to stop or even backtrack. But remember, action is the antidote to stagnation. Don't let the zigs and zags demotivate you. Use them as signposts that you're actually progressing, that you're doing the hard things that lead to growth.

For me, when I was learning to walk again, that looked like taking just one more step. Seeing if I could make it to the next fire hydrant (just imagine spending weeks, like I did, limping from fire hydrant to fire hydrant, trying to make it to the end of the street by our house)…

With whatever challenges you’re facing what does your next step look like? What are the useful milestones you could use (I mean, I’m done with the fire hydrants if you want to borrow them 🤪 ) to motivate you to push through, go just a little further?

As you’ve probably figured out by now, the reason “action is the antidote” is because as you take action, you’ll quickly begin to realize the pain you experience is just the soreness to be expected with growth and improvement. Your muscles (yes, your brain is also a muscle!) will get stronger, you will get more flexible (metaphorically and actually).

As you take action, you will find it is the antidote to what ails you.

Even when I couldn’t get off the couch and spent weeks in bed, my mental suffering only abated when I came to appreciate my physical pain, and to make a daily plan for how I would take action (ideas for those who are couch bound: journal, call friends/family, exercise and stretch whatever you can, read).

And taking action turned out to be the antidote to my mental anguish.

Your Invitation to Take Action

And speaking of taking action, now's your chance.

For the next 4 days only, Nicole is opening access to The Mental Gym for Equestrians—and the clock is ticking. As an exclusive small group coaching program, spaces are limited to ensure the level of personalized attention that gets real results. If you want to be part of the next insider group, seize your chance before enrollment closes Thursday at midnight.

If you're really serious about building your mental resilience, confidence, and reaching your full potential as a rider, you have one of two choices to make right now: You can stick with what you're doing and continue to have the same results, or take this bold next step and discover how to change your life and riding.

Action is the antidote, my friends. Make it count.

Click the link below tomorrow at 6 AM MST to:

ENROLL IN THE MENTAL GYM FOR EQUESTRIANS

Thanks for joining me this week. I appreciate it!

Catch you next time, mi amigos!

Warm regards,

Abe