You Ain’t Make Me So You Can’t Break Me (Your Guide to Maintaining Inner Confidence)

You unsaddle after a lesson, and your trainer says, “Great job today!” and you can’t help but smile. 

Your friend says, “Gosh, I wish I could ride like you.” And you feel a little happy wiggle in your insides at their compliment. 

Your trainer comments, “She can be a little ear-pinny.”

You are crushed. 

Let’s revisit these situations. 

You unsaddle after a lesson, and your trainer says, “Great job today!” 

→ How do you feel about your ride?

Your friend says, “Gosh, I wish I could ride like you.” 

→ Are you able to gracefully accept a compliment? How do you feel about your own riding?

Your trainer comments, “She can be a little ear-pinny.”

→ What do you think about your horse? 

Do you usually ask yourself what you think when someone offers (often unsolicited) commentary? 

The thing is, the world will have an opinion on your life. Without proper handling of this praise and criticism you’ll be tossed about like dressing on a salad. 

Have you ever found yourself riding the rollercoaster of external feedback? One day, you're on cloud nine with praise lifting you higher than the sky. The next, criticism knocks you down like a ton of bricks. I get it. I used to identify a lot more with both praise and criticism until I made this shift. 

In today's newsletter, I want to chat about something that's close to my heart: the power of detachment when it comes to external feedback. Because here's the deal: whether it's a standing ovation or a harsh critique, your worth ain't tied to anyone else's opinion. Let's dive in and explore how you can maintain your inner confidence, no matter what the world throws your way.

Understanding External Feedback

First things first, let's talk about what external feedback really is. It's those little comments, compliments, and criticisms that come flying at you from all directions. Praise can feel like a warm hug on a chilly day, while criticism can sting like a paper cut. But here's the kicker: neither of them defines who you are.

The Pitfalls of Internalization

Now, let's talk about what happens when you start internalizing that external feedback. You know, when you let the good stuff inflate your ego and the bad stuff deflate it. It's like giving someone else the remote control to your self-esteem! But guess what? You're the one in charge here, and it's time to take back control.

The Importance of Detachment

While it can feel sooo good to soak up compliments, it’s actually counterproductive. Yes, even those “nice” comments from your trainer, or your barn bestie. When you internalize compliments (praise) from other people and use it to prop yourself up, you’re simultaneously giving other people the power to tear you down. That offhand comment that maybe you or your horse can’t hack it; or that you really blew that run will cut you deep.   

Detachment is your secret weapon in the battle against external feedback. It's all about keeping a healthy distance from both praise and criticism. I like to imagine holding any praise and criticism lightly in my hands. Instead of letting them dictate your mood or your worth, you can choose to stand firm in your truth. It's like putting on a pair of noise-canceling headphones in a crowded room—suddenly, the chatter fades into the background, and you can hear your own voice loud and clear.

Strategies for Cultivating Detachment

So, how do you cultivate that sense of detachment? It's all about finding what works for you. It can be things like practicing mindfulness, setting boundaries, or seeking internal validation. The key is to tune in to your own needs and honor them with compassion and kindness.

One key to holding praise and criticism lightly is to tune into yourself. When it comes down to it, you have to provide your own validation. I’m not saying don’t be kind to yourself or others, and never compliment your friend when she has a nice run. But remember, at the end of the day, you have to validate yourself. YOU have to provide yourself with praise, and provide yourself with constructive feedback. Don’t outsource what needs to be done in-house (by you). You can ask a trusted advisor for input like a consultant, but you cannot outsource your internal confidence. You’ll inevitably be cut down. 

Navigating Praise and Criticism

Listen, we live on a planet with 8 billion other people. And as humans, we can’t seem to keep our opinions to ourselves. What’s a cowboy to do when someone opens their yap to tell ya what they think about you and your horse? 

Hold it lightly. 

When it comes to praise, bask in the sunshine of recognition, but don't let it blind you to your own imperfections. And as for criticism, don't let it knock you off your feet. Instead, take it as an opportunity for growth and learning. Remember, you're a work in progress.

Conclusion

So, there you have it, friend: a little pep talk on the power of detachment when it comes to external feedback. To put it colloquially, “you ain't make me, so you can't break me!” Keep shining your light, standing tall, and embracing the beautiful, messy journey of life in the saddle. You've got this! 🌟

Until next time,

Happy Trails,

Nicole Burnett

PS. Do you prefer an Audio-Type Newsletter? Great news! The Resilient Reiner Newsletter now comes as a podcast! 🎙️ Alongside our regular podcast episodes, you can now enjoy additional content directly from the newsletter. It's the perfect fit for your busy life - listen to inspiring stories, mental tips, and empowering strategies anytime, anywhere. Tune in to the latest episodes now!

Psst! Are you ready to deepen your journey and take our partnership to the next level? Resilient Reiner PREMIUM is here for you. With exclusive content, behind-the-scenes insights, and special episodes, it's your backstage pass to the resilience and confidence that make all the difference. Upgrade now and unlock the full experience that awaits you and your horse. — Click here to upgrade!

And for those who are truly committed to transforming their ride, the Resilient Reiner Academy is almost ready to open its doors. Imagine having me as your personal guide, there to help you leap over every obstacle with confidence. This isn't just about lessons; it's about unlocking your potential and finding joy in every ride. Secure your spot in the academy and be the first to know when we launch. Your journey towards riding excellence starts here: www.nicoleburnettcoaching.com/RRAwaitlist .

If you enjoy our podcast, please rate, review, and follow on Apple Podcasts! This helps me support more people achieve excellence in the show pen!   Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review." 

If it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Snap a picture of yourself, or take a screenshot of you listening on your device, post it to your Instagram Stories and tag me! @nicoleburnettmentalcoach @resilientreiner