Working the program

Now I’m quite the experienced Non-Horsey Husband. I’ve been in the periphery of Nicole’s equestrian journey for 15 years. This has given me the opportunity to observe, in multiple equestrian disciplines, a very strange outlook on what it takes to achieve success.

I can see the attraction of these ideas, and how, on the surface, they seem to hold up under scrutiny, but under closer inspection you discover the whole structure of the philosophy is riddled with termites.

Stop me if you’ve heard these platitudes.

“Trust the process.”

“Work the program.”

“You’ll do better next time.”

There’s numerous variations of these. And they’re usually thrown around by folks who are A) unhappy with circumstances, and B) not really sure what to do about it, and C) in leiu of anything specific. Like “the program” for many trainers and their clients is little more than “show up and take lessons” and “go to shows.” That’s not a program. That’s not even Cliff Notes.

The Incomplete “Program”

We all know it means just keep going. It’s an overly optimistic belief that success is inevitable. Like a participation award.

The assumption that if you don’t give up, if you just keep getting on your horse and doing stuff then better results will follow. Kind of like the popular saying that “showing up is 90% of being successful” (paraphrasing Woody Allen). It’s like…yes, AND. Because more is required.

Sure, there’s some some truth under this idea. Just as the most effective lies are mostly truth. That’s probably why we don’t scrutinize these pithy sayings too closely, usually.

The Road to Real Success

Because, yes, if you can afford to devote a majority of your life and budget to lessons and showing then, with enough lessons and shows under your belt, you might start figuring a few things out. You might start figuring out, simply out of necessity, mental strategies and techniques which help you perform at a higher level more consistently.

Or, maybe, like many pro athletes you might be fortunate to cross paths with a mental performance coach and experience the transformation working with one can bring.

The Problem is that most folks simply don’t spend enough time in the saddle and showing to achieve the success they dream of, not without taking a notes from top-shelf performers like Matt Mills and Andrea Fappani.

Now, to be clear, I’m not saying showing and riding have no place in your program. I’m saying that riding and showing are cornerstones, foundational, but they’re not enough. Not for most people. The riding, showing, and even training for your horse is what you might call “table stakes.”

Honestly, what’s AWESOME is that you’re clearly aware of how the traditional “program” is incomplete—because you’re here. You’re doing something different. You’re NOT doing the whole definition of insanity (doing the same thing and expecting different results). So I suppose, at this point, you can reach around and pat yourself on the back. Because, yay you!

That said, it’s not enough to merely be part of this community and consume the techniques and strategies we share. It’s critical to treat them as training tools, to actually take them out into the real world and build them into your life, riding, and showing. So that they’re second nature. So they’re there for you when you need them.

And, equally important, and this is something I’m sure we’ll discuss in greater depth at some point, is to effectively reflect on where you’ve been, where you are, and where you want to go. It reminds me of a quote from Sun Tzu that I like:

Meaning, if one is to be successful in war (or, in this case, life or showing) we must have PERSPECTIVE. Perspective is what a general like Sun Tzu would use to make decisions on which roads NOT to follow, which armies NOT to attack, which towns to leave untouched, which positions uncontested, and which commands ignored.

The Power of Reflection

In order to have perspective, one must frequently reflect. Take a step back. Identify the nature of the obstacle. Determine the possible solutions for overcoming the obstacle. Execute the best one in terms of appealing trade offs.

Has anyone else seen the great Nic Cage movie, The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent? If you haven’t, add it to your watch list. If you love it, thank me, if you hate it, recommend it to an enemy. lol.

Anyway, in that movie there’s a scene where Nic Cage and Pedro Pascal are high and on-the-run from bad guys. They run into an insurmountable obstacle in the form of a very high brick wall.

Initially they throw themselves at the wall, trying (futilely) to break through. Then, in a moment of self-sacrifice, Pedro lifts Nic to the top of the wall. Unfortunately when Nic reaches back and tries to haul Pedro up, he’s not strong enough.

At Pedro’s insistence, Nic agrees to go on without him. Then, as he weeps on the other side of the wall, Pedro joins him. Nic is astonished. “How did you get here!?” he asks. Pedro says something to the effect “it turns out I could just walk around.” And sure enough, the camera shows us that the wall was not complete and if they’d merely taken a moment to gain perspective on the situation they could’ve just walked (or run) around the wall.

One strategy this Non-Horsey Husband uses in my own life to learn, grow, and improve is to journal. I treat my journal as an area to “debrief” to, in a semi-structured way, focus on the what and when (what/when happened), three improvements I’m grateful for, and one very specific thing I want to improve—along with ONE specific idea for what might help. The reason this approach is so weighted toward the positive/gratitude is because we only change when we feel good.

Now it’s your turn. How do you reflect? How do you nurture and maintain your perspective?

Write back! We read every response and love to hear from our community!

Until next time!

Adiós, mi amigos!

Abe

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